Will you blow on my dice?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
