This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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