If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
