i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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