i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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