tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
