maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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