She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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