Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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