I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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