I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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