That's intense
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
