hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
