My first STD was from a foam party
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
