I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
