I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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