I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
thus making me awesome and them whores
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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