Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
