cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
