you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
