Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
