We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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