Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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