I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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