maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's blow job season.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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