I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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