so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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