Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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