I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pants are for mortals
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
