I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found puke in my bra..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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