im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
