I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
