32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
