You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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