i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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