Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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