bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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