Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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