dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
