how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my poor anus
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
