I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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