turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
