The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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