I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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