I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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