Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
