I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My ATM looks so different sober.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
