I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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