I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
