the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
