Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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