just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
