Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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