My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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