tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
