Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
