Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
