dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
