I want to make a zoo with you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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