Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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