so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
