the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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