sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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