yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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