I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
